My Story

MY STORY: Ken Heizer

Sitting on the olive green carpet with my twin brother watching TV in a dark motel room not far from the Mountain Bell Telephone Company in downtown Colorado Springs, I stared in amazement as Dr. David Banner transformed before my eyes into the Incredible Hulk. That is the earliest memory I have of my life. I was five years old and our parents had just divorced. 

A year and half later, dad remarried a sweet lady with two kids of her own and suddenly we were a “Brady Bunch” family. However, life is not a television show. Growing up, I was probably not unlike most kids, constantly comparing myself to others, wondering how I fit in, hoping to be seen or accepted. I didn’t fully grasp how my parents’ divorce had affected me. I don’t have any clear memory of my life before the divorce. It’s as if my life began after it. 

Now, not only did I have a twin brother, but also a step-brother and a step-sister. When we were young, I didn’t feel much different than them. But, as we grew older, the comparisons and contrasts became more obvious (I’ve frequently struggled in that area). Their dad was very wealthy and sometimes it was challenging living in the same house with a brother and sister who always seemed to have more and got to do more, especially whenever their dad came from out of town to visit. I struggled a lot with jealousy and with insecurity. And then, on occasion, when my dad would do things for them (as would any good step-father) while my twin brother and I would be away for the weekend stuck at our mom’s apartment while she went on dates with the latest new guy, my feelings of jealousy and even bitterness would only worsen. They seemed to have so much more than me and now I had to share my dad with them, too?

I learned to cope with these feelings by trying to convince myself that in some way I was different, if not better, than other kids, even though inwardly I knew it wasn’t true. I was smart, but not the smartest. I could play sports, but I was skinny, certainly not the strongest or fastest. I often found myself on the outside of groups, observing, watching and convincing myself that those popular kids were stupid, just a bunch of conformists, blindly following the trends. I learned to mask my feelings of insecurity and inferiority through an internal conversation that concluded I was above all of that meaningless stuff, even though secretly I really wanted the other kids to like me.

Into my teen years I began to drift toward the geek or nerd crowd, even though I knew I couldn’t quite hang with them intellectually. However, it was easier than trying to fit in with the popular kids. One memory sticks out in my mind, though, that made me realize that I had a heart problem. In Jr. High school I found myself making fun of another student. His name was Robert, and he didn’t seem to fit in very well. He was a bit of a loner and I had befriended him. Sadly though, in an effort to be liked by the popular kids, one day I joined in calling him a really hurtful name. In that moment, I had become just like those kids I had loved to hate. I was so disgusted at myself and my feelings of insecurity and inferiority began to deepen.

I have some memories of being taught about Jesus. At the large denominational church our family attended occasionally, I remember learning about Jesus dying on a cross, being buried in a tomb, and rising from the dead. I suppose, as a child, I just accepted those things to be facts. But I never understood their significance nor did I commit myself to Jesus in any way. Nobody had explained why those things mattered, or were supposed to matter to me. Then when I was eleven or twelve, I remember attending a summer vacation Bible school. Someone there showed me a diagram of a throne and asked me who was sitting on the throne of my life. And though I understood that Jesus was supposed to be the King of my life, none of that made much sense to me at the time. Soon after, most of that was quickly forgotten. 

In the summer between ninth and tenth grade, I was invited by a friend to a youth meeting in a park near downtown Colorado Springs. I was bored and pretty much anything else sounded more fun then just sitting at home watching TV, plus I thought there might be some cute girls there. It turned out to be a beautiful summer evening and I had guessed correctly - there were a lot of girls. I was having a great time playing games and getting to know some of the other teens. 

After a while, we all sat on the grass while the youth leader began to talk to us. I don’t recall exactly what he said, but amazingly I do remember the Bible verses he shared. If felt like he was talking directly to me and no one else. I had never felt that way before. As he began to read verses from the Bible and then explain what they meant something inside me was happening (Romans 3:10 & Romans 3:23 made it clear to me that, because God alone is good and holy, my self-proclaimed goodness was insufficient and Romans 6:23a made it clear that my sins had sentenced me to death, not just physical death, but spiritual death, separation from God for all eternity in a place of judgment). I was riveted on every word he spoke. Somehow, I knew that I needed to pay attention. I knew, even though I didn’t fully comprehend it, that God was communicating to me that night.

So there I was. I had surrounded myself with new friends and cute girls trying to measure up in some way, hoping to make an impression, longing to be seen. But in that moment as the youth leader finished speaking, it was as if all of those desires melted away into the periphery. I knew I needed a relationship with Jesus and the only thing that stood in the way between me and the security and purpose I had longed for all my life was the decision that was before me. Would I believe? And by believing, I knew it meant to commit my life to this Savior. Was I ready to cry out to God and tell him that I wanted what he was offering? Could I lay down the pride that for so long had shielded my inner battles and believe that God saw me through eyes of love? 

There was a wrestling match happening inside me, but I knew that putting up a fight wasn’t worth it. In the end, it was obvious that there was nothing I could do to stop God from loving me. And, for the first time in my life, I embraced that reality! God showed His love for me by sending Jesus to become a man and to take all of my burdens, all of my shame, all of my insecurities — and most importantly ALL of my sin...all of those things which had separated me from God and had held me back from seeing life with true meaning and living with confidence and purpose. 

That was the day God saved me! Right there, sitting in the grass, surrounded by other students, I found myself confessing my deep need for forgiveness, salvation, and for life and then calling out to Jesus to be my salvation, safety and security. God invaded my life and, from that point on, life has been a journey full of one discovery after another into how deep his love for me runs! 

The student group quickly became my “home away from home” as a teenager. I was embraced into a community and a family of friends where where I was taught the Bible, encouraged to let God continue transforming my desires, thoughts and behaviors, and where I began to develop a desire to see others find what I had found in Christ!

Through the influence of godly men and friends and what I was learning from God’s Word, the Bible, I began to sense God’s call to pursue a path that would lead me through Bible College, introduce me to missionaries and expose me to the desperate need for people in various places around the world to be introduced to the Lord Jesus. I have had the great privilege of living among and ministering to the people of northern Italy for eight years with my incredible wife and seven children. Today it is my great joy to be a part of an incredible team of men and women who continually look for ways to expand the reach of the good news of Jesus worldwide. We advance together with the shared conviction that Jesus is ready and mighty to save sinners! I know he stands ready to do the same for you!

Things don’t always go the way I might desire. God sometimes gives me circumstances I would have never chosen for myself. But, I now I have perspective on my life that is built on the never-changing and never-failing character of God who I know is working in my life for good! That perspective brings peace and hope that cannot be taken from me! One of my favorite portions of Scripture says: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) The same passage continues: “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?…For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:31-32; 38-39).

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